The not so handy man

Building a brand

Those who know me, know I'm not great with building, fixing or handy man stuff. So last Friday we were down to the handy man task on my wife's to do list. I chose to see this as a chance to build my man brand.

It was a bit of a comedy of error as I stumbled through, fixing a stool, adding a lock to a window, planting some vegies and sharpening all the kitchen knifes. I tried to include Alex in these activities, well except the knife sharpening...

First off, we had a go at fixing a foot stool that a leg had come off. Up to the shed, a bit of glue, some screws and it was done... Well at least for 24hrs, when it came back broken again... Which I duly fixed again, and is now broken again... Luckily I was born in the age of computers and don't have to work with my hands.

Next was the window lock. How hard can it be? A couple of quick drills, and some screws no sweat. well that is unless you are me. I placed the drilling template, checked twice, and drilled away, 5 minutes of drilling with barely a scratch... I retrieve the metal drill bits and replace the wood drill bits... arh, much better, holes done. I placed the lock on to see if it fits and immediately realise my mistake... the lock has a larger foot print than the drilling template, and the rim of the window frame prevents the lock going on.

Now a normal person would think, gee I've done enough damage with the drill, let's seek help.  Not I, I have a horrible habit of doubling down, and escalating. I need a more powerful tool - Angle grinder time. Some how I managed to cut the window down just right, and get the lock fitted and only slightly crooked.

Change management techniques and children 

While I may not have a job that prepares me well for odd jobs around the house, but there are some elements of my job that do make parenting easier. For instance, the change management techniques we use to ease our clients through transitions can be applied to parenting. Particularly:

• communicating before, during and after a change or transition;
• building buy-in and ownership through inclusion;
• consultation and allowing choice; and
• gamification. 

Here are a few examples where I have applied these techniques effectively:

Transition away from enjoyable activity
Each afternoon Alex is allowed to watch cartoons from 5:30-6pm, for a while we had a mini-meltdown when we turned the TV off. Simply by communicating 5 mins, and then again 2 mins, before turning the TV off, we have greatly reduced the melt downs. This is literally as simple as saying "Alex, couple more minutes then we turn it off". This technique is further strengthen by giving Alex ownership of the act of turning the TV off. We do this by getting him to press stop on Netflix and turning the TV off with the remote.

The theory behind this is in general people don't like sudden change, by giving Alex a few extra minutes to process the change, he is better able to regulate his emotions when the change occurs. Furthermore, by involving Alex in turning the TV off, he feels that he has an element of control, and is part of the change process.

I use this communication technique with Alex when leaving a park, putting him to bed, and getting him out of the bath - really any situation that there is a transition away from something he likes. I blend in the ownership technique where ever I can e.g. get him to choose the last park equipment before leaving, and get him to pull the plug in the bath.

Consultation and choice
Another area we formally had trouble with was brushing teeth. Alex hated it. We bought a large pack of multi-coloured tooth brushes for him because they were on sale. What we discovered was if he is allowed to pick which colour tooth brush, he wants to brush his teeth. Unfortunately, he wants to do it so much, he wasn't allowing mummy or Daddy to do a proper job. My wife came up with a turn-about system of your turn, mummies turn which really works.

The theory behind this is if the child has some element of control, the activity will be something you do together, not do to them.

Gamification
This is turning an activity a child doesn't like into a game. I guess this is something parents have done since Adam and Eve chased Cain and Able around the garden. We use this in really simple ways, for example, getting Alex to his room by racing or chasing him in a playful way.

If you apply any change management techniques to raising your children, leave a comment, I'd be interested to see how.

#NerdLife
For those who know I have been building an system so we can control the air conditioner in the baby's room from our smart phones. Version 1 of the system is up and running. I won't nerd up this blog, but you can read about it here if you are so inclined.

It's a bit real.

Mirror, Mirror
Your own children are often a mirror, particularly when they are young. I find that most of the time when I am frustrated with Alex, I'm actually frustrated with my own short comings reflected in his behavior. When you see your bad habits reflected in your children, it grieves you and is a very strong wake up call. It highlights your role as a parent to set the culture of the home, which I believe has a big effect on the child's life, and shouts "Do Better, Be Better" like a Senior Manager.

A trivial example of this is with our 4 mth old puppy Zorro. Zorro loves to bark, and for a while his favorite time to do so was 4:50am... every morning. Somewhat understandable I would get up and yell shut up dog. One day the dog was barking at lunch time, and Alex turns to the window and yells "Shut up dog!"... not a great result, forces you to think - if my 2 yr old son was watching me how would I handle the situation?

For the record, I am taking a different approach with the dog, firmly and calmly correcting his behavior - this actually works, where yelling just confused the dog.

The other good news is the learning from example phenomenon works in the positive direction as well. Recently I've applied this to wearing sun cream and hats. I hate wearing hats, however it is paying off as this morning Alex actually asked to put sun cream on - although he did roll sun cream in my eye in the process. This is a great tool, I plan on using it to instill christian character.

Cricket
I few days ago I was changing Baby Zoe's nappy, and a stream of projectile poo sprayed out at me. I had the clean nappy in my left hand open, and quick as flash I caught it in the nappy like Mark Waugh at Slip. Not a drop fell on my clothes, or the floor. Two observations:

1. it is possible to dirty a nappy before it is even on; and 
2. all those hours of cricket were not wasted. 

Yesterday, a similar situation happened to Louise... all I can say is, she should have played more cricket.

Catch-up.

Second time round the world seems so different

The differences between parenting our first and second babies are distinct, this is due to experience, growth in us as parents, and the shift in focus - Your first child take all your focus, where as with the second child you are forced to split your focus.

With our first child, Alex, we literally had very little idea what do, we were learning our roles as parents, stressed, tired and somewhat panicky. Even the smallest incidents, caused us to question ourselves, review parenting books and search the internet for answers (I recommend http://raisingchildren.net.au/). The other night, Zoe threw-up some milk, while this was disturbing, we stayed calm, monitored her a little more than usual and she was fine. If that had happened with Alex we would have been freaking out and in the car to emergency. It is good to look back and laugh, but also cerebrate the progress we have made - Go team!

The first time Alex hit his head, I called the child health hotline, by the time I got to speak to someone, Alex was fine, but they kept me on the phone for what felt like 40 mins and insisted I take him to a medical centre, for what the doctor described as a slight bump.

Pro-tip - When the baby sleeps you sleep
On Monday, Alex was in daycare, this meant for most of the day, it was back to the "simple" life of just one child to look after. We took advantage and went to the shops, and while it is slower with stops for feeding and nappy changes, it is fine. I remember thinking when Alex was a new born, this is crazy it takes twice as long to do anything... I was so naive. When Alex was little, every time He would sleep I would try to cram in the cleaning, the cooking, or the remnants of my pre-child life - such a rookie move. Sleeping whenever the baby sleeps is the only way to fight the cumulative effects of the limited night time sleep. I heard on a Podcast that drunk people outperform the sleep deprived in decision making tests (<5 hrs sleep a night for 10 days straight). So that is why I say when the baby sleeps you sleep, even if it means delaying the laundry an extra day, falling behind on Netflix or not updating your blog...

Hell is a real place - I've seen it
When we dropped Alex off at his home daycare, the daycare Mum had a crying baby on each hip and a pumped up Alex and another full-on little boy. If it turns out that hell is personalised, being a daycare mum would be mine. In all seriousness, hats off to you childcare workers, you do a great job but it is not for me. 

Home today.

I always realised it would be a challenge, adjusting from having only one child to having two. I had joked that it is moving from double teaming the child, to man on man defense. Today we bought the wonderful Zoe home from the hospital. and the differences of raising two children made themselves abundantly clear. It was somewhat of a shock to the system, I guess I had expected that we would adjust the routine slightly and all would be well. It turns out it is more than that, the house has a distinctly different rhythm to it, a feign beat, asymmetrical, full of augmented 5ths . I'm sure we will adjust and discover a new normal in time, I just hope it doesn't take too long!

Here are a few of my favorite moments from today:

• Realising that the time penalty of letting the 2yrs old (15mins extra) help me carry the bags to car was worth it, as it lets him contribute to the family - this includes two detours while Alex walked all over a bush turkey's nest so he could "see the turkey" - which he subsequently chased on to the road.
• Standing in dog poo while trying to get Alex out of the rain, then walking the poo through the length of the house and into the baby's room carpet, to change the baby's nappy... yep. Ironic. I was clearly disappointed in myself, was trying toe clean the carpet, on my knees. Alex comes over and asks - "Are you alright daddy? ", then later tells, "You're alright daddy." 
• At bath time, Zoe pooing her nappy,. and just after I get back with wipes, the other one pooing in the bath. This simple sentence does not convey the 3 minutes of chaos that followed, but I can assure you, both children were clean by the end of it. 

I'll finish with a quick story about Alex. Recently my parent gave Alex a toy steering wheel, this morning he is turning the key on and off again, so I ask him "what are you doing?", "I'm turning the power on" is the reply. Fast forward to late this afternoon, when Alex and I are rushing into a Mobility shop to hire a shower seat for post-op Louise. We arrive 10 mins before closing time, and the staff there don't look overly happy to see us walk in so late in the day. The sales assistant is trying to explain the differences between models, and Alex runs off across the store to the mobility scooter section and climbs up on a nice looking blue rinse special. I see this out of the corner of my eye, and ask the assistant - "They can't be started can they?". She says, "he is fine, they can only start if he turns the key". I dash over to him, and say "What are you doing? hop down". His response loud enough for the sales assistant to hear was priceless. It was simply "I"m turning the key"...  

Home tomorrow

Tired but Happy

On Friday we were blessed with a beautiful baby Girl, Zoe. After a few tense hours of monitoring in the Special Care Nursery to clear some fluid in her lungs, we settled in for the evening back in the main ward. The hospital provides a mattress on the floor for the partners of the mothers, and I stayed in the hospital until Monday night. There was not a lot of sleep, but that is par for the course. Zoe is feeding well, and has settled into a nice pattern of sleeping and feeding. Louise is still in hospital but is excited to be bringing Zoe home tomorrow.

Anyway, here are a couple of observations from the few days:

We are very Blessed
Sitting next to Zoe in the Special Care Nursery among some seriously sick babies, made me realise just how blessed I am having a relatively healthy baby. Even in those moments when I was scared watching Zoe trying to clear her lungs, I knew just how blessed I have been. I also had the privilege of watching the Special Care Mid-wifes give amazing care to some seriously sick babies. It takes special people to do that job, it must be emotionally taxing. They often care for a baby, for 2 -8 wks at a time. Hats off to the staff there, they are amazing.

The importance of support from Family and Friends cannot be overstated
When going through times when you are stretched physically, emotionally and logistically, the importance of having family and friends cannot be overstated. The logistical support my parents and Louise's parents provided made it possible for me to be be right next to Louise when she needed me. I also knew that my 2yrs (Alex) was in safe hands and I could focus on helping Louise through the first few nights. Big shout out to my friends who cooked meals, visited, called, messaged and most importantly prayed.

Planned verse Emergency C-section
Last time, we had been up all night, and in the early morning it all went wrong, from the minute they pressed the red button for an emergency c-section, it was crazy, people running this way and that. Things moved very fast, it was over whelming, it felt like the world was moving around us. I sat on the ground and just stopped moving for 30 seconds until a nurse got me up and into the theater.
This time, we had a planned c-section. It could not be a more contrast experience. You arrive, settle into a room, wait, kick back, watch the Olympics. It is surreal, I was sitting there thinking, by the end of this Boomers game, I will have a daughter. You enter the theater, there are jokes all round, my wife (the pharmacy accountant) was discussing the business case for a particular type of drug specifically the balance between the cost of drugs to speed the recovery time verses the benefits of increased throughput of a theater as they were beginning to make the incisions... like I said surreal.

First Child verses Second Child
Last time one of the mid-wives commented that we were (clearly) first time parents, I remember thinking, that is a bit rude, how does she know we don't have another child at home. Well now I know, having your second child you are so much calmer, and so much more relaxed. It is an entirely different experience, you know what to do, and can settle the baby so much faster. However, there are different challenges, for instance, how do you make sure your existing child get enough attention? and knows they are just as loved. When it comes to loving your kids, love in not a scarce resource, it is abundant for all your children, although, I'm sure it doesn't seem like that when you are 2 yrs old. I have noticed distinct changes in Alex's behavior and have switched places with the grand parents to spend more time with him. Certainly building a new normal for him will be a high priority for me, over the next few weeks.

Okay, that is all for now, I'll try to make the next posts a bit lighter.

Baby Number 2

Baby Number 2. 

Tomorrow my wife and I are expecting to have baby number 2. I"ll be taking a month Paternity leave, this is good news for you as I will be reviving the blog.

It's been 16 months since my last entry and in that time a lot has happened, here is a quick run down:

• I returned to work and my wife transitioned to part-time work
• Alex is now 2 and has been enjoying home daycare 3 days a week 
• We moved house, to a much better place that is spread out so we don't feel like we are living on top of each other,
• We bought a puppy - which it turns out is like having another baby

Anyway Just a short post to get things going, as tomorrow we will get us at 4am to get this show on the road.